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The Confidence To Put Yourself First

Updated: Oct 22, 2021

I'm here to tell you that it's time to put yourself first. To be happy with who you are and not worry about what others think of you. It's your turn to take care of YOU! I want to encourage women over 40, like me, that they can still look good and feel great. Join me in my journey as we explore the confidence needed for self-care and how it will benefit every aspect of our lives!

You know that feeling when you feel like you're starting to lose yourself and need a little reminder of who you are? It's time for your annual self-checkup; complete this checklist to make sure everything is in order.

1. What do I want out of life?

2. How am I doing with my health, fitness, and food goals?

3. What's the best way to get over past mistakes or regrets (e.g., divorce)?

4. Do I have a good support system in place?

5. Am I living up to my full potential at work/school/home?

6. What does success look like for me right now and how can I start taking steps towards achieving it?

It's common advice that you should put yourself first, before your significant other, friends, or family. But you're not sure if it's really worth it to be selfish—to always put yourself first—and spoil them in the process.

I certainly understand how hard it can be. It feels selfish; like we're treating our loved ones badly or being a bad friend. But the truth is, we always have a choice of putting ourselves first or opting for selfless service.

For example, you can choose to stay at your job that drains your soul and doesn't pay well just because it'll be too hard on everyone if you quit.

Your friends might then get mad at you for not being available as often, taking a backseat to activities, etc.

Or you can choose to be the bigger person and stand up for yourself. You might then have to let go of these friends who didn't understand your situation in the first place, but they'll probably forget about it soon enough. It's all a part of learning how to be more confident in yourself.

After all, if you never take the time to learn how to put yourself first, no one else will do it for you. That's why it's so important that you listen to your needs and respond accordingly.

Think of your loved ones—if they really are your loved ones, they'll understand.

When you're ready to be more selfish and start putting yourself first, these are the best ways to go about it:

1. Go ahead and make your needs known to others. You don't have to tell them exactly what those needs are. But instead of going along with someone else's plan or advice, say "No, I'd rather do it this way" and be firm with your stand.

2. Speak up for yourself. You don't have to feel guilty or bad about doing so either. If you want to go out on a date night with your partner, tell them that instead of waiting for them to volunteer plans for the two of you.

3. Be honest about your feelings and wishes, even if it means hurting someone else's feelings in the process. You should be assertive without being aggressive, though. So while you can voice out your opinions and make your wishes known, don't ever go around badmouthing other people or putting them down to get what you want.

4. Don't take other people's guilt trips. If someone chooses to make you feel guilty for something you did, don't give in and apologize just so they can immediately forgive you. Say sorry if you mean it but don't ever be afraid of taking responsibility for your mistakes or misbehaviors. You can even ask them why they're making you feel guilty or blaming you for something that wasn't even your fault.

5. Don't wait for people's permission to do things . While it's important to be considerate of other people, don't let their opinions affect your choices and decisions. You might think twice about taking on new responsibilities at work if your friends don't feel like you can handle it, but remember that it's your life and not theirs.

6. Stop doing everything for others as a favor to them . If someone asks you to do something because they don't feel like doing it themselves, give them a reason why you can't follow through with their request instead of saying yes all the time. Even if you're just being nice, they might start to take you for granted.

7. Be more of a leader instead of a follower . Being the leader means that you have to put yourself first from time to time because it's your duty or responsibility as an individual to stand up and guide others. You shouldn't feel worried or guilty about this; people will follow your lead if they want to. And if they don't, it means that you were only doing this because you had nothing better to do in the first place.

8. Don't feel selfish when considering your own needs and feelings . If you find yourself feeling down or sad for no good reason , then take some time out for yourself and do something that you enjoy such as going for a nice walk, reading a good book, watching your favorite TV show, etc. Doing so will help boost your self-esteem and confidence .

9. Stop trying to please everyone . It's impossible to make everyone happy all the time; some people will feel annoyed or disappointed even if they get what they want. So stop letting this feeling of guilt get in the way of your relationships with other people.

10. Take full responsibility for your actions . Think about how much time you spend blaming other people or circumstances for the mistakes you made, and then compare that to how much time you're spending on self-improvement and correcting these mistakes. You should always strive to take a more active role in everything going on in your life.

11. Stop getting distracted by other people's opinions . Learn to focus on your own thoughts, feelings, and needs more so you don't get swayed or influenced by the people around you. Sometimes it's difficult because you might know that what they're saying about you is true but try to be confident in yourself no matter what anyone says.

12. Consider what you're doing to contribute to your relationships . If you find that some of the people in your life are toxic, then it's up to you to change things by either distancing yourself or completely cutting them out. Not only will this help improve your confidence and self-esteem , but it will also make room for new, more positive people to be part of your life.

13. Stop giving so much . If you find yourself constantly giving and not getting anything in return, then it's time for a change because this is bad for your self-esteem and confidence . Instead of focusing on what you can get out of a particular situation, focus on what you can give instead of how much you get in return.

14. Quit putting up with disrespectful behavior . If someone is being rude or hurtful towards you, then stand up for yourself and tell them to stop. You'll be surprised at how much stronger you will feel when you finally do this instead of letting someone walk all over you. After all, it's your life and you should live it as you want.

15. Find meaning in your daily routine . Even if you have a job that seems unimportant, try to find the meaning and purpose behind it. For example, maybe you work at an animal shelter or volunteer locally. Believe me, there's always something!

16. Make sure you have a support system in place . It's not easy living without someone who understands what you're going through or knows exactly what you need when times get tough. If your family and friends aren't the people who can give you that support, then look outside and find people with similar interests. It doesn't matter who is there for you; it only matters that someone is, in fact, there.

17. Stay healthy . Taking care of your body is important. Eat well, get plenty of exercise, and try to keep stress levels in check! Stress can have a serious impact on your health and should be avoided at all costs.

Which ones stuck out to you and which one will you implement today?


Need a bit of motivation? Dare to be honest and vulnerable with yourself in this 21 Day Challenge. Set a timer for 10 minutes and reflect: What do you want? What is holding you back? This process will jumpstart your intentions and take you on a journey of self-love, acceptance, healing, and change.

Text GOALS to 718-504-2192 or

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