I've Been in Church for Years. Did I Ever Really Learn How to Pray?
Teach Me How to Pray, Day 1 | Luke 11:1–4 · @Bernadette Henry
Can I tell you something? I grew up in church. And if you grew up in church too, you already know that prayer was something we were taught we were supposed to do.
You bowed your head when the pastor said so. You prayed over your food. You knew the words people said at the altar, at Sunday dinner, at the bedside. Prayer was expected of us long before anyone explained what it was for.
Lately, I've been sitting with a question I'm a little uncomfortable asking out loud: Was I ever actually taught how to pray, or was I only told that I should?
Because those aren't the same thing. When I look back, I'm not sure I ever really understood it. Maybe I prayed because I was told to. Maybe I repeated what I heard other people say. But did I really understand what I was doing? I'm not so sure.
"Lord, Teach Us to Pray"
That question brought me to Luke 11:1. Jesus had just finished praying, and one of His disciples came to Him and said, "Lord, teach us to pray."
What stands out to me is who was asking. These weren't strangers. They were already following Jesus. They had witnessed His ministry, heard His teaching, and watched Him pray with their own eyes.
And still, one of them recognized there was something he needed to learn.
Notice what Jesus did next. He didn't shame the question or point out how long they'd been with Him. He answered it. In the verses that follow, He gives them the words we now call the Lord's Prayer. Asking to be taught was the right move.
Routine Isn't the Same as Rhythm
Sometimes we participate in religious practices for years without fully understanding them. We learn the routines. We learn the language. We learn what's expected of us. But participation and understanding aren't the same thing.
In my book, Jumping the Rope, I wrote:
"Jump rope isn't about jumping, it's about finding the right rhythm and being free. I guess life is a lot like jump rope; we must stop thinking and find our rhythm too."
I think prayer works the same way. You can have the right posture, the right phrases, and all the right church language, and still never find your rhythm with God. Prayer was never meant to be a performance of proper form. It's a relationship we learn to move in.
A New Season, a New Responsibility
This is on my heart right now because I'm in a different season of life. I'm pursuing ministry. I'm attending classes, singing in choir rehearsals, and becoming more involved in my church.
And more and more, someone turns to me and says, "Would you lead us in prayer?"
I want to be able to say yes. Not so I can sound impressive. Not so I can string together the right church phrases I've heard other people use. I want to understand what I'm doing and why.
In Chapter 3 of Jumping the Rope, "Falling in Love with Me," I wrote about how easily we attach our identity to a label:
"For so long our identities have been attached to our professional or personal titles rather than our contributions, values, and desires in life."
That applies here too. I don't want my prayers to be about the title of minister or choir member. I want them to come from a real place, so that when I pray with someone, I'm actually present with them and with God.
Being Honest About Where I Am
Chapter 4 of my book opens with a question I still ask myself:
"Why is it so hard to be honest? So hard to let your guard down with the people in your life and allow them to accept you for who you truly are at all times?"
So let me be honest. I'm still figuring out what I want my personal prayer life to look like.
I've questioned the purpose of prayer. I've wondered what it accomplishes, especially when someone is struggling with something that may also need professional help or real human connection.
Here's where I've landed for now. Prayer and getting support from others don't have to compete. Prayer offers spiritual connection, reflection, and a place to bring what we're carrying. Therapy offers a different kind of relationship and professional care. One doesn't replace the other. They can work together, and reaching for help is not a lack of faith.
You Don't Need Perfect Form to Begin
It would be easy to wait until I had prayer "figured out" before talking about it. But in Jumping the Rope, I wrote this about waiting:
"What could only take a few seconds of time and action, most people spend their whole lives waiting inactively on the right moment to take their first jump."
The jump I'm talking about has nothing to do with proper form or perfect timing. The same is true here. You don't need polished words to start praying. You don't need to have it all figured out.
Writing my book forced me to unpack, unravel, and understand who I was even more. I believe this series will do the same. Part of spiritual growth is being willing to revisit what we thought we already understood.
Let's Pray Together
Heavenly Father,
Today, we come before You with a willingness to learn. Some of us have spent years in church, but we're still developing our understanding of what it means to pray. Some of us have repeated words without understanding them. And some of us have struggled to find our own words.
Lord, teach us how to pray.
Help us move beyond simply following religious routines and begin developing a deeper understanding of our relationship with You. Give us wisdom as we study Your Word. Help us approach prayer with sincerity, humility, and intention.
For those preparing to serve others, teach us to lead with compassion and understanding. Help us recognize the needs of the people we encounter, and give us wisdom to know when prayer should be accompanied by practical action, encouragement, or additional support.
And as we continue learning, remind us that we don't have to pretend to know everything. We can begin right where we are.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
Something to Sit With
Here's the question I want to leave with you today: Were you actually taught how to pray, or were you simply told that you should?
Because there's a difference.
I'd love to hear your answer in the comments. Tell me where you're starting from, whether that's years of practice, a lot of questions, or somewhere in between.
This is Day 1 of Teach Me How to Pray. Over the next 30 days, I'll be sharing what I'm learning as I go. I won't pretend to have it all figured out. We're learning together.
Bernadette Henry is the author of Jumping the Rope: Move Yourself and Manifest Your Success.
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